My Sunshine
I hope everyone had a very Merry CHRISTmas filled with all of the people and traditions you love most! I cried like a baby on Christmas Eve which was a first for me so it made me realize that I still am human and haven't turned back to my robot ways where emotion is forbidden in my life. I'm embracing the emotion as hard as it may be.
The emotion hit me extra hard tonight while at dinner with my husband and sister. There I was in Outback crying. Anybody know how to stop teaducts from working? I'm asking for a friend? Anyway, we were talking about our grandparents and how much we were very thankful and blessed to have the one we have left and how much the others were missed.
For me, it's particularly hard to miss people that I don't remember yet am told constantly how much I look or act like them. I would give anything to have been able to spend time with both my Granddads. There are times where I think what would I be like if I had grown up with them helping guide me through life. So many whatifs! I just know they would be proud of the person I am becoming and they both would have loved JT without a doubt, but I think my Grammie would have loved him the most! I can just hear her now talking about his baby blue eyes and how he is the perfect gentleman. She would tell him that if he didn't treat me right she would string him up by his toes."
I miss her every single day. She moved from Michigan when I was four and you couldn't have told me anything then! I thought she was moving just to see ME every day. She loved me, but I loved her more. This was her favorite time of year. She would go ALL out and make it into a production, which I have seemed to unknowingly have inherited the same flare for making every birthday, holiday, or anything that can be celebrated into a production as well. 😳 I have also inherited my love of birds from her. She was a bird conosour and had enough houses and food to feed and house every bird migrating south for the winter. She made most everything over the top and extravagant even if it was just your birthday and I'm glad I am like her in so many ways.
When she passed away she took a piece of me with her. She was someone that I saw every single day, multiple times a day. She might not have been able to remember my name, but her face would light up when I walked in and that was good enough for me! She was my sunshine and could make my worst of days better.
When I was little she gave me the nickname "azybaby" which I loved until she was screaming it from the bleachers at one of my college soccer matches. After the game I told her that I couldn't be considered tough if she was yelling "gooooo azybaby" from the sidelines. She laughed and said that was her name for me and that's what she would continue to yell. After she started to decline in health I was lucky if she remembered my name let alone a silly nickname. The more sick she got the harder it got for me. A few weeks before she passed away my sister and I were laying in her bed in her room with her. Without being prompted she called me Azybaby and my sister and I just stared at each other. We couldn't believe she remembered on her own. God knew I needed that at that moment. It is a moment that I will always carry with me.
Sure we got a little carried with Christmas Eve festivities this year, sure we had enough food for a small army, sure there were a bunch of gifts on Christmas day, but I could hear my Grammie saying how proud she was of us for being over the top. That's the way she would have had it! If being over the top at Christmas is wrong then I don't want to be right!
Now a new year is quickly approaching and in the words of DVB, "you all better straighten up and fly right!"
The emotion hit me extra hard tonight while at dinner with my husband and sister. There I was in Outback crying. Anybody know how to stop teaducts from working? I'm asking for a friend? Anyway, we were talking about our grandparents and how much we were very thankful and blessed to have the one we have left and how much the others were missed.
For me, it's particularly hard to miss people that I don't remember yet am told constantly how much I look or act like them. I would give anything to have been able to spend time with both my Granddads. There are times where I think what would I be like if I had grown up with them helping guide me through life. So many whatifs! I just know they would be proud of the person I am becoming and they both would have loved JT without a doubt, but I think my Grammie would have loved him the most! I can just hear her now talking about his baby blue eyes and how he is the perfect gentleman. She would tell him that if he didn't treat me right she would string him up by his toes."
I miss her every single day. She moved from Michigan when I was four and you couldn't have told me anything then! I thought she was moving just to see ME every day. She loved me, but I loved her more. This was her favorite time of year. She would go ALL out and make it into a production, which I have seemed to unknowingly have inherited the same flare for making every birthday, holiday, or anything that can be celebrated into a production as well. 😳 I have also inherited my love of birds from her. She was a bird conosour and had enough houses and food to feed and house every bird migrating south for the winter. She made most everything over the top and extravagant even if it was just your birthday and I'm glad I am like her in so many ways.
When she passed away she took a piece of me with her. She was someone that I saw every single day, multiple times a day. She might not have been able to remember my name, but her face would light up when I walked in and that was good enough for me! She was my sunshine and could make my worst of days better.
When I was little she gave me the nickname "azybaby" which I loved until she was screaming it from the bleachers at one of my college soccer matches. After the game I told her that I couldn't be considered tough if she was yelling "gooooo azybaby" from the sidelines. She laughed and said that was her name for me and that's what she would continue to yell. After she started to decline in health I was lucky if she remembered my name let alone a silly nickname. The more sick she got the harder it got for me. A few weeks before she passed away my sister and I were laying in her bed in her room with her. Without being prompted she called me Azybaby and my sister and I just stared at each other. We couldn't believe she remembered on her own. God knew I needed that at that moment. It is a moment that I will always carry with me.
Sure we got a little carried with Christmas Eve festivities this year, sure we had enough food for a small army, sure there were a bunch of gifts on Christmas day, but I could hear my Grammie saying how proud she was of us for being over the top. That's the way she would have had it! If being over the top at Christmas is wrong then I don't want to be right!
Now a new year is quickly approaching and in the words of DVB, "you all better straighten up and fly right!"
Comments
Post a Comment