High Hills and Low Valleys
Y'all let me be real with you for a second. Life is hard. Plain and simple. Don't get me wrong, it has really high hills, but come on now, let's be serious about just how low those valleys are.
People with depression kind of always feel like they are drowning or deep down in a valley. They feel like they dont have a voice or at least can't be heard. I luckily found my voice. It may be through writing, but it is an outlet that has been one of the most therapeutic things for me. Therapeutic in a way where I could say what was on my heart without having to directly talk to someone. I started this blog so I could be honest with myself and others about what I felt like God has been calling me to say, but in another sense it has been a great way for me to continue to hide. Not hide from my problems, but hide from people who I thought would judge me if they saw me in person.
A few days ago Jordan asked me to get out of the house and go to a gathering with him. In my head I immediately started to panic. I would be meeting new people and I didn't want their first impression of me being a zombie. While there I thought I held it together very well. Everyone was so nice and welcoming and it was in a beautiful home filled with the smells of fall. I smiled a few times and said a few sentences so everyone would know I was alive. I lasted a solid hour. I was so proud of myself, but I could feel the anxiety start to set back in.
You ever had someone give you a hug and you felt instant relief? The hostess gave me a quick hug before we left and I could have melted like a puddle in her arms. I could feel tears well up. I'm a mess I know. If you knew me at least 2 years ago you would know I was not a hugger or even a touchy person AT ALL 🙅 and now all of sudden and I am finding that hugs make me feel so much better. They have made me feel connected with people in a way that makes me know that they care or they understand. My doctor hugged me a few weeks ago and I burst into tears. She knew I needed something that medicine couldn't fix and her giving me a hug made me feel like she understood the mental pain. Side note: I also cry at the drop of hat now. My brother hugged me after dinner tonight and it made me feel his love like I hadn't before.
Neither one of these ladies or him had to hug me or probably didnt think anything of it or maybe they knew it would help, but it meant so much more than I could ever say in those moments. It truly should me the compassion that people have and that they were willing to show me no matter if they understand the situation or not. Compassion for people who feel like they are bottom feeding can be a game changer.
People with depression kind of always feel like they are drowning or deep down in a valley. They feel like they dont have a voice or at least can't be heard. I luckily found my voice. It may be through writing, but it is an outlet that has been one of the most therapeutic things for me. Therapeutic in a way where I could say what was on my heart without having to directly talk to someone. I started this blog so I could be honest with myself and others about what I felt like God has been calling me to say, but in another sense it has been a great way for me to continue to hide. Not hide from my problems, but hide from people who I thought would judge me if they saw me in person.
A few days ago Jordan asked me to get out of the house and go to a gathering with him. In my head I immediately started to panic. I would be meeting new people and I didn't want their first impression of me being a zombie. While there I thought I held it together very well. Everyone was so nice and welcoming and it was in a beautiful home filled with the smells of fall. I smiled a few times and said a few sentences so everyone would know I was alive. I lasted a solid hour. I was so proud of myself, but I could feel the anxiety start to set back in.
You ever had someone give you a hug and you felt instant relief? The hostess gave me a quick hug before we left and I could have melted like a puddle in her arms. I could feel tears well up. I'm a mess I know. If you knew me at least 2 years ago you would know I was not a hugger or even a touchy person AT ALL 🙅 and now all of sudden and I am finding that hugs make me feel so much better. They have made me feel connected with people in a way that makes me know that they care or they understand. My doctor hugged me a few weeks ago and I burst into tears. She knew I needed something that medicine couldn't fix and her giving me a hug made me feel like she understood the mental pain. Side note: I also cry at the drop of hat now. My brother hugged me after dinner tonight and it made me feel his love like I hadn't before.
Neither one of these ladies or him had to hug me or probably didnt think anything of it or maybe they knew it would help, but it meant so much more than I could ever say in those moments. It truly should me the compassion that people have and that they were willing to show me no matter if they understand the situation or not. Compassion for people who feel like they are bottom feeding can be a game changer.
Let me finish by saying that I thought the other night was going to be one of those valleys because I had purposely been avoiding anyone besides my family. It turns out that God knew I needed to get out of the house and go. He knew I was going to get that hug and it was going to be another hill in my life that made me feel not so alone. I had been so anxious about how I was going to be perceived and He hit me with something as simple as a hug that almost brought me to my knees on the kitchen floor. God always has a way of showing us we are not alone even through a simple act like hugging. Another side note: I'm a hugger now and will be the one to initiate it so watch out! ☺
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